#115 What I Learned About Burnout (And Why Rest Isn’t Enough)
In this episode, Abu Fofanah dives into the raw, unfiltered truth about burnout—what it really is, why it happens, and how to overcome it. Drawing from personal experiences of running a business, navigating mental health, and hitting rock bottom, Abu shares actionable insights on how to restructure your life, reclaim your joy, and lead with purpose.
If you’ve ever felt like you’re drowning in responsibilities or losing the passion for what you once loved, this episode is your roadmap to finding balance and building a life that doesn’t cost you your peace.
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Timestamps:
- 00:00 Introduction and Understanding Burnout
- 01:19 Personal Experience with Burnout
- 02:23 Symptoms and Realizations
- 04:46 Impact on Personal and Professional Life
- 09:22 Steps to Overcome Burnout
- 11:52 Final Thoughts and Homework
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Transcript
Hey, welcome back.
Speaker A:Okay, question for you.
Speaker A:Have you ever felt like no matter how much you rest, you're still exhausted?
Speaker A:Like you're running on empty?
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker A:The world keeps asking more of you.
Speaker A:That's burnout.
Speaker A:And here's the hard truth about it.
Speaker A:The remedy isn't actually rest.
Speaker A:I thought the remedy for burnout was rest.
Speaker A:People would always tell me, rest, rest all the time.
Speaker A:But what I found is that the remedy is actually restructuring your life.
Speaker A:Today I'm going to dive into what burnout really is, why it happens, and what I've learned about overcoming it, both in my business and professional life.
Speaker A:If you've ever felt like you're drowning in responsibilities or losing the joy in what you once loved, this episode is for you.
Speaker A:All right, let's get to it.
Speaker B:It's been a long time, and I miss this feeling.
Speaker B:It feels like freedom.
Speaker B:It feels like healing.
Speaker B:Floating off the floor, past the sea.
Speaker A:This is something that I didn't really understand how to deal with it, and that it also affects so many people, but most people don't talk about it.
Speaker A:It's this idea of feeling burnt out or hitting a wall or feeling trapped or feeling like you don't have the ability to move from your current position.
Speaker A:The first time I felt burnt out, it was after the first year of my business.
Speaker A:I thought it was just a phase.
Speaker A:You work hard now and then you could rest later.
Speaker A:But what I realized as I was building my business is that it required more and more and more of me.
Speaker A:Anything you put intention towards is only going to have more of you.
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker A:Your responsibilities are only going to grow more.
Speaker A:They don't get less over time, especially if you are in pursuit of something big, something.
Speaker A:Something that you've never experienced before.
Speaker A:I thought in this phase, this was something I could push through anytime I was ever met with an obstacle.
Speaker A:And I'm sure you're very similar to me.
Speaker A:You think that, okay, well, if I do just more of whatever I did to get here, then I could push through this obstacle.
Speaker A:And sometimes that is the truth, right?
Speaker A:Sometimes it does happen that way.
Speaker A:You can push through it.
Speaker A:But there's eventually going to come a time where no, no matter what you do, more doesn't equal more.
Speaker A:More actually starts equaling less.
Speaker A:And that's the feeling that I felt when I really felt burnt out, when I thought I hit a wall when I was operating my business.
Speaker A:And as my business was going up, my personal life was going down.
Speaker A:And then eventually, as my personal life was going down even further, my business started to follow suit.
Speaker A:The feeling never went away.
Speaker A:And even when I decided to rest, I thought, okay, well, I'll take rest days.
Speaker A:Maybe I won't work these days on my business.
Speaker A:But that feeling doesn't go away, and I needed to figure out a better way to address it.
Speaker A:Couldn't outwork it.
Speaker A:More didn't equal more at this point.
Speaker A:And again, I feel like you relate to what I'm saying.
Speaker A:And here's what I had to realize.
Speaker A:Every task, every responsibility, every expectation, it felt like carrying the weight of everything, the world, on your shoulders, and you're not getting the support that you need.
Speaker A:It's when even the smallest thing feels like it weighs as much as the biggest thing on your plate.
Speaker A:And at that point, you're not just burned out, you're overburnt, maybe even toasted.
Speaker A:And that's what I wrote down, because that's how I felt.
Speaker A:The small things started weighing like the big things.
Speaker A:It took me so long to do the small things.
Speaker A:The small things should have taken a few minutes, a few seconds, but the small things would take me a few hours, a few days, just like the big things would.
Speaker A:And I came into this paralysis phase where I was paralyzed.
Speaker A:I couldn't move forward, I couldn't move back, and I didn't know what was going on.
Speaker A:I kept dropping the ball consistently in my personal life and in my business life, and I just couldn't connect the dots fast enough.
Speaker A:It's like you stay up all night, and maybe in the morning you could operate, but then you stay up all night again, and now you're.
Speaker A:You've been up for two straight days with no sleep.
Speaker A:And now when someone asks you a question, it takes you a little bit longer to respond back.
Speaker A:When you're doing tasks, it takes you a little bit longer to complete those tasks is because you're in this abyss where everything takes a long time, even the smallest thing.
Speaker A:And that's exactly what I was going through when I was feeling burnt out.
Speaker A:And so I had to really think about, okay, if I continue down this path, what is going to happen?
Speaker A:And there were a few symptoms of this burnout.
Speaker A:One was I began to hate what I did, and you begin to hate what you do because you're doing everything.
Speaker A:Instead of this sweet spot, instead of that thing that brings you the most joy, you find yourself doing everything, and then you begin to hate what you do.
Speaker A:And this is the worst place to be, because when you start hating what you do, it does not reflect your passion, your interest.
Speaker A:It doesn't Reflect the outcome that you actually want to achieve for yourself or achieve for your customers or your clients or anyone.
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker A:It's not a good place to be the thing you once love, right.
Speaker A:Starts to feel like a prison.
Speaker A:And for me, this business that I was building, helping so many people that.
Speaker A:And what's crazy is I wanted to end it so many times.
Speaker A:But every time I would go out in public and I would run into a client or a past customer, and they would just speak so glowingly about the product or how I helped them, I was like, okay, maybe I should keep it going longer.
Speaker A:And eventually it started to feel like a prison because it was something that I necessarily didn't want to do because it started to weigh extremely heavy on me.
Speaker A:So for me, I think that it was because I didn't have the systems and processes in place in order to really understand what was happening and what to do.
Speaker A:And again, I thought the cure was rest.
Speaker A:Because that's what people told me, Abu, you work so hard, you need a rest.
Speaker A:But it actually wasn't rest.
Speaker A:I was trying to do everything myself.
Speaker A:And the more I added to my plate, the further I got from the joy of it all.
Speaker A:Here's the second thing that I realized was happening.
Speaker A:I began to hate the things outside of my business, things that had nothing to do, you know, with my business.
Speaker A:I started to hate those things, too.
Speaker A:You couldn't bring me to love anything at that moment.
Speaker A:And every conversation was revolved around just how much I hated things.
Speaker A:And that's how, you know you're creeping or maybe you're already in the deep end of that wall that you hit.
Speaker A:That overburnt feeling that I described earlier.
Speaker A:Burnout doesn't stay defined to work to a personal life, to one thing.
Speaker A:It spills out into every part of your life.
Speaker A:I remember being so unhappy in my corporate job.
Speaker A:That was all I talked about.
Speaker A:I remember being so unhappy in my relationships.
Speaker A:That's all I talked about.
Speaker A:Whatever it is that you're experiencing and you've already are over it, what happens is if you don't address it, it starts building everywhere else in your life.
Speaker A:And it became hard.
Speaker A:And then the third thing that happened is I began to hate parts of myself because I was now moving a lot slower and comprehending what was happening.
Speaker A:I just started to have bad self conversations with myself, bad self talk.
Speaker A:And this one was the hardest, right, because it's easy to turn that frustration inward.
Speaker A:And every little thing I would do if it didn't go the way I wanted, I just would blame myself and I would deprive myself of certain things because I didn't have a good day today.
Speaker A:I didn't accomplish anything.
Speaker A:Therefore, I don't deserve xyz.
Speaker A:For me, I'm an extremist.
Speaker A:The bed for me is sacred because that means you've went out there in the world and you've done a good day of work, so you deserve rest.
Speaker A:And during that time, I was not sleeping in my bed.
Speaker A:I was sleeping everywhere but my bed.
Speaker A:Because, again, this is one of the things I told myself in my mind that I'm not deserving because I haven't been able to show up or have the outcomes that I want it to right now.
Speaker A:I know exactly what you're thinking, but I'm just letting you know that it's irrational.
Speaker A:You come to an irrational place where nothing makes sense.
Speaker A:You just start to do the things you think make sense, but they actually don't make sense.
Speaker A:And I had to make sure I detached and understood that what I'm going through isn't a personal failure.
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker A:It's a something.
Speaker A:It's.
Speaker A:Well, it's not a personal failure, but it's a sign that something in my life needed to change.
Speaker A:So if you're not in a good mental space, your business, your life will reflect that.
Speaker A:Your mindset shapes everything.
Speaker A:When I hit that wall, when I hit that burnout, when I was overboard, I was overwhelmed.
Speaker A:I didn't have a high view of myself, and many of us don't.
Speaker A:I was constantly questioning my worth, my abilities, my decisions.
Speaker A:And guess what?
Speaker A:Everything mirrors that.
Speaker A:Whatever you're going through, and you don't address it, and you let it simmer, you let it manifest.
Speaker A:What happens is it mirrors and begins showing up in all other parts of your life until you address it.
Speaker A:So here's what I had to do.
Speaker A:I had to realize the things that people were recommending for me may not have been for me, maybe it worked for them.
Speaker A:But I needed to dig deeper.
Speaker A:What do I need to do in order to bring myself to a better place?
Speaker A:This is what I kept asking myself.
Speaker A:And it wasn't just about rest, but moving forward.
Speaker A:I had to understand that it's about restructuring your life.
Speaker A:For me, that meant simplifying things.
Speaker A:Simplicity became my word over the last 12 months.
Speaker A:Delegating more, setting boundaries.
Speaker A:Emphasis on setting boundaries.
Speaker A:It meant asking for help.
Speaker A:Something I used to think was a weakness based on how I grew up.
Speaker A:But here's the thing.
Speaker A:You can't do it alone.
Speaker A:I had to really lean into my Village.
Speaker A:I'm the type of person where I thought that I don't want to bother them, but I had to realize I needed them.
Speaker A:I needed to bother them.
Speaker A:And they didn't see it as bothering.
Speaker A:But in my mind, I had told myself a story that didn't exist.
Speaker A:And so I needed to lean into my community to help me get out of this thing, get out of this self talk, this negative self talk.
Speaker A:And so that was one of the solutions or one of the things that I leaned into to help me get out of there by asking for help.
Speaker A:The other thing I started asking myself is maybe what's one thing I could do to get off my plate?
Speaker A:I know you have a lot of responsibilities.
Speaker A:I know that to other people, they rely on you.
Speaker A:But what's one thing I could get off my plate?
Speaker A:Maybe I can't do it all right?
Speaker A:And it's hard to do it all.
Speaker A:So what is that one thing I could get off my plate that will help me out?
Speaker A:And what can I put in my life to make it easier?
Speaker A:What are the.
Speaker A:Some of the checks and balances when I'm going down this path again?
Speaker A:I could realize it and put something in my life in order to make it easier, to make myself aware that I'm heading back down the same path.
Speaker A:Because I don't want to do that.
Speaker A:I don't want to put in all this work to get out of where I was and then go right back down there.
Speaker A:I don't.
Speaker A:I don't want to do that.
Speaker A:And who can I have in my corner at this time?
Speaker A:So I have my community I can lean on.
Speaker A:But who can I actually go to consistently during this time?
Speaker A:This is something that is really important for you to identify.
Speaker A:That could be a mentor, that could be a close friend.
Speaker A:You have to figure out who that person is for you or that resource is for you.
Speaker A:Maybe it's the therapy.
Speaker A:You have to figure that out because it's really gonna help you.
Speaker A:Even though it may take time, even though it may be uncomfortable, it really helps in the long run.
Speaker A:Wherever you are right now, whether you feel like you can't get yourself out of it, whether you think you're incapable of doing so, I wanna let you know that it's not a sign that you're weak or that you're failing.
Speaker A:It's a sign that you're actually human.
Speaker A:And the good news is that you have the power to change it.
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker A:You got there.
Speaker A:You also have the power to change your circumstances again.
Speaker A:You don't have to Keep pushing through until you break right.
Speaker A:You can have or you can restructure your life, your business, and your mindset.
Speaker A:And you could start anytime you decide.
Speaker A:So if that.
Speaker A:If you decide you want to do it today, you could do it today.
Speaker A:Is it going to be easy?
Speaker A:No.
Speaker A:But you have to start putting pen to paper of some of the systems, some of the support, some of the restructuring that you're going to begin doing in your life that's going to set you down that path.
Speaker A:Does that make sense again?
Speaker A:You can still make progress, but it's going to look different.
Speaker A:Things are going to have to change, and that's okay.
Speaker A:And so what I want you to do, and I know that I'm about to give you some homework, but what I want you to do is I want you to really put pen to paper and start identifying some of these restructuring your life tips that we talked about here today and what you could do in order to make sure that you're moving forward.
Speaker A:The worst feeling, honestly, is to that feeling of being stuck, that you can't change anything.
Speaker A:And the way I got myself out of it is by changing one thing at a time.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker A:I really appreciate you hanging out with me.
Speaker A:All right, I'll see you on the next episode.
Speaker B:It's been a long time and I miss this feeling it feels like freedom it feels like healing Floating off the floor past the ceiling the wind in my hair I can see the light at the end of the tunnel as I'm taking flight Man, I'm feeling like myself again Man, I'm feeling like myself again it's been a long time and I miss this feeling.
