#118 Mentor Conversations: 10 Things About Success No One Tells You
The older I get, the more I realize success isn’t about what I thought it was. Here are 10 life lessons that stand out as I reflect today
Some lessons came easy. Others? Harder than I expected. But each one shaped me.
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Transcript
Hey, and welcome back to the podcast.
Speaker A:Well, today's actually a very special day.
Speaker A:It's actually my birthday and I wanted to jump on here because I wanted to talk about some of the lessons that I learned over the last year.
Speaker A:And some of these maybe I learned in the past years, but they've reiterated themselves back in my life.
Speaker A:I can't believe I'm at this big age.
Speaker A:I'm not gonna say my my age, but I'm just grateful for the position that I'm in today and all the people that have helped me and contributed to where I am.
Speaker A:I could not be here alone.
Speaker A:That's one thing.
Speaker A:First and foremost, let's go ahead, jump into the show real quick.
Speaker A:Before we jump into the show, one of the things that you could do for me that I would appreciate more than anything is that if you leave us a review on Apple Podcast, this really, really does help.
Speaker A:You know, know, as a podcast, building his audience, this would really help.
Speaker A:And make sure you also screenshot us.
Speaker A:And tag me on social media.
Speaker A:My Instagram should be in the show notes.
Speaker A:Tag me and I'll repost it.
Speaker A:But again, leave us a review.
Speaker A:Share this episode or the podcast with a friend.
Speaker A:All right, let's go.
Speaker A:Hey.
Speaker A:It's been a long time and I miss this feeling.
Speaker A:It feels like freedom.
Speaker A:It feels like healing.
Speaker A:Floating up the floor past the sea.
Speaker A:I was talking to one of my mentors, and they had asked me, what are some of the life lessons that you've learned?
Speaker A:Or what are some of the lessons you just learned in the last year?
Speaker A:And the reason why I found this question so fascinating is because over the last year, I've learned a lot.
Speaker A:And so I really had to sit there and think about it and journal about this.
Speaker A:But I wanted to share some of the key takeaways, some of the things that I've learned.
Speaker A:And I built my list to 10 things.
Speaker A:10 things.
Speaker A:11, 10.
Speaker A:One of those numbers.
Speaker A:But let's go ahead and get started on some of the things that I learned over the last year.
Speaker A:The first thing that I learned more than anything is to have a plan or life will take you on its own ride.
Speaker A:And what I mean by this specifically is that when you don't have a plan or you don't have a visual of the things that you want out of life or, or how you want the next month or this week or even your day to go, what essentially happens is that plan gets hijacked by other people.
Speaker A:So when you don't have a plan, what happens is that you get hijacked by other people's plans, you will eventually start doing the things that other people want you to do as part of their plan.
Speaker A:Right, because they have a plan.
Speaker A:So they may ask you to do something and then someone else may ask you to do something, and then someone else may ask you.
Speaker A:And what's going to happen is that you're going to start doing all these things that aren't related to your plan.
Speaker A:It doesn't mean that you can't help people out.
Speaker A:But if you're always helping people out without your own plan of how you want to live life or how you want your day to go or your week to go, then it's going to be really difficult and challenging to ever get anything accomplished if you're always saying yes or always being a part of other people's plans.
Speaker A:And this is something I had to really learn because I was people pleaser, an over giver.
Speaker A:And no matter what someone asked me, I always said yes because I felt like that was a way to build new connections.
Speaker A:But when you start having a plan of your own, you have to adjust.
Speaker A:Always showing up, always at every party, always at every engagement, always at every brunch, you have to adjust because that energy that you're putting out there, you also need it in order to execute your own vision.
Speaker A:So again, you have to have a plan and then you have to stick to that plan.
Speaker A:And you have to make sure you're consistently following that plan or your plan to got hijacked by other people's plans and ideas of how you should live your life.
Speaker A:It took me a really long time to understand this, but I'm glad that I understand this now.
Speaker A:Okay, number two, know when it's time to leave a job, a career, a business, know when it's time to pivot.
Speaker A:And I'm kind of going out of order here, but this one is really important.
Speaker A:The reason why I put this is because most of the time, especially with me, I could speak on my own life, is that I've been in places for way too long.
Speaker A:I've been in places where I knew I should have left six months prior, I knew I should have left 12 months prior, 18 months prior.
Speaker A:But I kept staying there because I thought things would get better.
Speaker A:And I don't know what that is for you.
Speaker A:It may be a job, maybe a career, maybe you want to jump careers, maybe you want to leave that job to pursue entrepreneurship, or maybe you want to leave that job for another job, or maybe you want to pivot.
Speaker A:That business that you started, but it's no longer working the way you thought it would.
Speaker A:And through that business, you have other really great ideas that might just work better.
Speaker A:And what I've learned is, is that it's okay to pivot and it's okay to walk away.
Speaker A:And you have to know when it's time to leave.
Speaker A:I think the best entrepreneurs, the best business minds, the best CEOs, they know when it's time to leave your job.
Speaker A:The things you build.
Speaker A:It's not for you to stay there forever because there's so much more in you and there's so many other things that could use you.
Speaker A:But if you just stay put, if you just stay hidden, if you just stay with what's comfortable, then you actually will never be able to get to those things.
Speaker A:You actually never be able to see your actual true value.
Speaker A:You actually will be operating below your ceiling.
Speaker A:It's a funny thing about being in a box.
Speaker A:Sometimes you don't even know you're in the box.
Speaker A:And sometimes you know you're in the box and you stay within those walls because you're familiar with that area.
Speaker A:What I'm telling you to do and what I'm giving you permission to do in your own life, you don't need my permission, but what I'm telling you to do is, and what's worked for me is knowing when it's time to leave a job or career or a business, knowing when it's time to pivot is really important.
Speaker A:Number three, do not hire first unless you know you have made money.
Speaker A:And this is really for people that are operating businesses.
Speaker A:This is for people that are maybe working in a business at a significant level and has to do the hiring, it's important that you understand, do not hire first unless you know and have made money.
Speaker A:And what I mean by this, the first part is, unless you know, if you don't know your business model of how you make money, please don't hire yet.
Speaker A:I want you to define those things in those areas before you go ahead and start hiring and, and racking up expenses.
Speaker A:And you have no way to pay this individual that you just brought on, and you're trying to give them sweat equity.
Speaker A:Sometimes that may work, but oftentimes people want cash flow up front.
Speaker A:They want cash, they want a paycheck right up front.
Speaker A:They want to know when they're going to get paid.
Speaker A:And you don't want to operate this business.
Speaker A:So if you have this grand idea, breaking up into smaller pieces so you can start cash flowing A lot sooner or apply for some grants.
Speaker A:Do whatever it is that you need to do in order to make sure there's money coming in, into the business, whether you're.
Speaker A:You're investing in it from your nine to five.
Speaker A:You have to make sure that before you start hiring all these people.
Speaker A:Because often I see individuals that are hiring people just to feel like a business, just to look like a business, because businesses have people, but they're not making any money in their business.
Speaker A:I would rather find a way to be profitable than just start hiring people and having money run out the door before I even start the idea, before I even market the idea.
Speaker A:So again, do not hire first unless you know you have or you've made money.
Speaker A:Okay, this one, this next one is a really good one.
Speaker A:And this is number four.
Speaker A:Do not be afraid to look foolish.
Speaker A:Again, let me repeat that.
Speaker A:Do not be afraid to look foolish or silly in pursuit of something that's really important to you.
Speaker A:This is probably one of the biggest reasons why people don't start or people fail before they start is because they're afraid of looking foolish.
Speaker A:And I remember when I first left my job and I had built a lot of relationships at that company.
Speaker A:So every week, a few of those days, we would go to happy hour.
Speaker A:So when I left that job, I would still go to happy hour with these group of people.
Speaker A:And every happy hour after leaving the job, they would always ask me about this, the idea that I left the job to pursue the little business that I had.
Speaker A:And they would always ask me.
Speaker A:And in the beginning, I was confident, like, yes, I have a plan.
Speaker A:But when my plan wasn't working, when it wasn't planning and I would still have to go and meet up with these friends, I felt foolish.
Speaker A:I felt like maybe I should go back and apply back to the job.
Speaker A:Maybe I should come back.
Speaker A:Man, they're starting to get promoted.
Speaker A:Maybe I.
Speaker A:I made the wrong decision.
Speaker A:I had to understand what I was going through was this period where I was being tested.
Speaker A:I believed in my idea.
Speaker A:I had proof of concept.
Speaker A:I had people paying me for the idea.
Speaker A:But the issue was it wasn't growing as fast as I thought it would.
Speaker A:The issue was as my friends were getting promoted, now I'm like, man, now they're making even more money than me.
Speaker A:How am I going to catch up?
Speaker A:I started having these doubts and I was afraid to look foolish.
Speaker A:And a lot of times when those things happen, people will tap out and say, you know what?
Speaker A:Yep, I made the wrong decision.
Speaker A:But for me, I Had to stay in this foolishness period, where even I would go on social media and I would be like, man, should I post about this today?
Speaker A:Well, I don't want those friends at that job to see me posting about this because then they're going to have their own opinions of how my life is going.
Speaker A:And so I had to really be honest with myself and say, who am I doing it for?
Speaker A:Okay, I'm doing it for me.
Speaker A:I'm doing it for the.
Speaker A:These ideas that I have.
Speaker A:I can't be afraid to look foolish in other people's eyes.
Speaker A:People are going to talk about me regardless, Regardless if I have that job, regardless if I don't have the job, regardless of what I have or what I don't have.
Speaker A:People are going to talk about you regardless.
Speaker A:So you have to make yourself understand that early on and say, you know what?
Speaker A:I'm doing this for me.
Speaker A:I don't care what people say.
Speaker A:I'm doing this for me.
Speaker A:I believe in me.
Speaker A:Like Snoop says, I.
Speaker A:I want to thank me.
Speaker A:You know, I want to thank me for.
Speaker A:That's the mentality that you need to have.
Speaker A:Number five.
Speaker A:I remember meeting this wonderful woman, Marshawn Evans, the first time we met.
Speaker A:She said, abu, I have so many notes.
Speaker A:I've been watching you for years.
Speaker A:I really love what you're doing.
Speaker A:I have so many notes.
Speaker A:I feel like when I watch you, I could tell.
Speaker A:I could tell something about you.
Speaker A:And one of the first things she told me in conversation, because at that point, I was struggling with something very specific in my life.
Speaker A:She said, abu, being well respected is better than being well liked.
Speaker A:And she said that to me.
Speaker A:And it resonated with me because at that point in my life, I was trying to make sure that I was there for everyone.
Speaker A:I was trying to make sure that I would show up for everyone.
Speaker A:And I was trying to be well liked more than being respected for what I did.
Speaker A:And so here's my version of what she told me that day.
Speaker A:Being well liked should not be to the detriment of being liked by yourself.
Speaker A:Let me repeat that again.
Speaker A:Being well liked should not be at the detriment of being liked by yourself.
Speaker A:And so many times we are seeking the validation.
Speaker A:Validation from parents, validation from a partner, validation from siblings, validation from friends, validation from people that don't know us, that we often never stop to ask, am I happy with that?
Speaker A:Am I okay with that decision I just made?
Speaker A:And I had to shift my focus into understanding that although I can care about people, they are not the center of my universe, of the thing that I have going on.
Speaker A:I'm at the center of my universe.
Speaker A:And I could both like myself, right, and focus on being liked and still care about them, but shift all my focus from trying to be well liked.
Speaker A:Does that make sense what I'm saying?
Speaker A:Again, being well liked should not be to the detriment of being liked by yourself.
Speaker A:I was doing things in the detriment of myself.
Speaker A:I was like, you know what, I'm not going to sleep this much.
Speaker A:I'm going to get up and help this person.
Speaker A:Okay, you know what?
Speaker A:Although I plan this thing out for myself, the self care thing, someone else needs help.
Speaker A:Let me go ahead and be there for them.
Speaker A:And I kept doing it repeatedly, constantly, consistently over time.
Speaker A:I knew I had to make changes.
Speaker A:Okay, we're halfway there now.
Speaker A:We're halfway there.
Speaker A:Okay, number six.
Speaker A:Power and money cannot buy genuine love and respect.
Speaker A:Choose which to focus on.
Speaker A:Now, let me break this down for you.
Speaker A:Most people think in order to get everything you want, you just need power and money.
Speaker A:They solve for every variable, right?
Speaker A:This is how most people think.
Speaker A:And I used to think, I said, okay, if I had all the money in the world, I could get this problem solved very easily.
Speaker A:And what I learned when I started making money is that there's certain things money can't buy and genuine love.
Speaker A:And when I say genuine love, you could interpret it how you see fit.
Speaker A:Whether it's love from a partner, love from a family member, the genuine love when regardless, people that are always going to be in your corner, they don't change up on you, they are consistently a home for you, they don't judge you.
Speaker A:You go there and you know, okay, these are my people, there's genuine love and respect from them.
Speaker A:And the other thing is respect.
Speaker A:What I've realized as I built my business and I made money and I was in rooms with other people who had money, is that respect isn't based on how much money you have.
Speaker A:Respect isn't based on forcible or forceful power that other people think is.
Speaker A:They think that, okay, I have money, I have power, let me go ahead and make people do what I want.
Speaker A:And that doesn't actually work.
Speaker A:Respect, on the other hand, if people respect you, they will go above and beyond of what you ask of them.
Speaker A:And a lot of times when people respect you, you don't even need to ask them to do certain things.
Speaker A:They will just show up because they have that affinity towards you.
Speaker A:This is a really hard concept for me to explain, but I hope I'm doing a good job at trying to portray what it is that I'm speaking of right now.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker A:Number seven, it's okay to want more for yourself and your life, including more money.
Speaker A:And this is something I had to understand early on because I grew up in a culture and a household where an environment that.
Speaker A:Or a community where it was looked down upon.
Speaker A:Like money was the root of all evil.
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker A:Have you ever heard that saying before?
Speaker A:Money was kind of looked down upon.
Speaker A:But as I grew up and I traveled the world and I expanded my horizons, I learned firsthand that it's okay to want more for yourself.
Speaker A:What the generation before us did, the people that gave us a level playing field that we started on.
Speaker A:And I believe it's solely our job and responsibility to do a little better than they did, because we may have a little bit more resource or we may have a little bit more access, or we may have a little bit more opportunity.
Speaker A:And it's what you do with that.
Speaker A:And I learned it's okay to want more for my life, and it's okay if that means having more money as well.
Speaker A:More money to do the things that I enjoy.
Speaker A:More money to take care of the people that I want to take care of and to help my family.
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker A:It's okay.
Speaker A:Those things are not evil.
Speaker A:And you shouldn't limit yourself.
Speaker A:You may think that I am making a hundred k.
Speaker A:I shouldn't ask for more.
Speaker A:I shouldn't ask for more.
Speaker A:It's okay if you want to make 120k, there.
Speaker A:There's nothing wrong with that.
Speaker A:It's okay if you want to make 200k, 300k.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:Wanting more for yourself is not bad.
Speaker A:And so this is one of the things I learned.
Speaker A:It's okay to want more.
Speaker A:It's okay to want more for your life.
Speaker A:And there's nothing wrong with wanting those things.
Speaker A:Number eight, having great people is better than having okay people or knowing many people.
Speaker A:And here's what I mean by that.
Speaker A:When your back steps up against the wall, or if you're going through a transition in life, you notice that there's some people that disappear out of your life.
Speaker A:And then you notice there are some people that step up in your life.
Speaker A:And what I want you to do is focus on the people that step up in your life.
Speaker A:And I want you to duplicate finding more of those people.
Speaker A:Now, you know, the people that step up in your life, there's not many of them compared to the people that you know.
Speaker A:You know, many people, you know a Lot of people.
Speaker A:But that doesn't mean that all those people that you know are always going to be there for you are always going to check up on you.
Speaker A:I want you to understand having great people is better than having just okay people.
Speaker A:They don't come around often.
Speaker A:So I want you to be aware when they are there and identify them and pour into them, especially as much as they pour into you.
Speaker A:Because those great people got me through a lot of bad times, but also a lot of good times.
Speaker A:They were a beacon in a way.
Speaker A:Number nine, if you feel overwhelmed, focus on just doing one thing daily.
Speaker A:Now I'm talking to my dreamers out there.
Speaker A:I'm talking to my people that have big aspirations.
Speaker A:And often those aspirations also paralyze us into moving forward because there's so much to do.
Speaker A:One of the things that I've been implementing in my life today is just doing one thing a day, because I know I have big dreams.
Speaker A:But if I could just focus on doing one thing a day, then that's less overwhelming than trying to do everything all at once.
Speaker A:Number 10.
Speaker A:Things won't always go the way you see it, but they can still go the way you want it to go.
Speaker A:Often when we don't get the things that we want right away, we often quit.
Speaker A:We often give up.
Speaker A:And what I'm telling you is that in my own personal life, when things didn't go the way that I visualized it, but I still was able to get that thing that I wanted, what I had to adjust was I had to find another way.
Speaker A:When one lane or one door closes, you have to find another door that might slightly be open.
Speaker A:You have to find another path that slightly might be there.
Speaker A:And you have to be willing to take a different path, even though it may take more time, even though there may be this other obstacle, even though it may require you to partner up with someone, even though it may require you to cut a different type of deal or transaction, right?
Speaker A:You have to be willing to find other ways.
Speaker A:If your path is blocked, if the path that you thought was guaranteed to always be there, if it is no longer there, but the thing that you want is on the other side, you have to be willing to find another path in order to get the things that you want.
Speaker A:So those are 10 things that I wrote down when my mentor asked me, what did you learn this past year?
Speaker A:As I'm celebrating another year, as I am stepping into another year, I'm reflecting a lot, and I have been reflecting a lot, and I'm really looking forward to applying more of what I have learned and continuing to make sure I am as sponge to learn new things as well.
Speaker A:I really do appreciate you all listening in.
Speaker A:I see every time I drop a episode, I'm getting thousands of people downloading and listening and then reaching out to me on Instagram or commenting or sharing the podcast episode on Instagram or threads.
Speaker A:That's it.
Speaker A:That's all I got for you.
Speaker A:And I will see you next week.
Speaker A:All right.
Speaker A:It's been a long time And I miss this feeling?
Speaker A:It feels like freedom?
Speaker A:It feels like healing?
Speaker A:Floating up the floor past the ceiling?
Speaker A:The wind in my hair?
Speaker A:I can see the light at the end of the tunnel as I'm taking flight?
Speaker A:Man, I'm feeling like myself again?
Speaker A:Man, I'm feeling like myself again?
Speaker A:It's been a long time?
Speaker A:And the mist is feeling.
